Well, now. This is a new one for me.

Ummm, how do you tell a guy to knock it off with the wooing? Especially when he's trying to, um, woo your HUSBAND? Especially when he's a long-standing friend. Who knows damn well that we're very happily married and that The Husband doesn't, um, lean that way, you know?

What once used to be a very good friendship has now devolved into . . . this. It hurts that this friend of ours puts so little value on our actual friendship and more on his desire to get laid. It was a big deal for The Husband to get over his homophobia when our friend came out to him about his bisexuality, and now it's all being blown to pieces.

I guess we should have started reading the writing on the wall when our friend insisted that The Husband not tell me about this state of affairs in regards to his sexuality. He still doesn't know that I know. And now he has crossed a HUGE line, once again asking that I not be told about it, and once he obtained forgiveness from The Husband for it, this pursuit began.

So . . . Listen, buddy. Forgiveness does not equal an invitation into bed, okay? It means that the incident is forgiven. It also means that The Husband has no intentions of ever being alone with you again because he doesn't want to take the chance that you will take it as an invitation to try again. I mean, seeing as how you now think that it's now open season for you with MY HUSBAND.

We listened to your tales of woe with your ex-wife. We empathized with you because she was, frankly, the world's biggest bitch ever. We know because she affected us as well. We have been there for you through thick and thin as you have been for us. We have all helped each other through good times and bad, fixing up houses together, watering orchids together, drinking and eating together. We are quite possibly the only friends that you have at the moment because of your tendency to insulate yourself from life.

Are you really willing to throw it all away just so you can try to get it on with The Husband? Is it worth it to you? Because if it is, we will not hesitate in the slightest to cut you off.

And to think. The Husband thought that he would have to beat guys off of me with a stick once I lost the weight. Hah! I don't know whether or not to be insulted or relieved that it's not me on the hotseat. Or maybe I'm just covering how heartbroken I am that we may have to end a friendship because of someone's selfish lust. I truly hope it doesn't have to come to that, but I suppose I have to prepare for it.