This isn't going to be pretty

At. All.

My skin, that is. Weight loss is already not being very kind to it in any way.

It's only to be expected and is one of the biggest complaints people have post-op. Whether it be from the deficiencies in vitamins that makes our skin look terrible or from the shar-pei folds that appear in the multitudes as our battle scars from losing the equivalent of another person, it's going to show up in some way or another.

Some people skate away from these issues and are truly among the blessed. I'm not going to be one of them. Let's face it, when you've had children while being overweight, you're going to end up with problems in the pannus area. It's kind of a given. And it appears that this is where my problems are starting.

Ever since giving birth to Thing One, I've had this small fold of skin on the left-hand side of my abdomen. The bigger the fold got, the heavier I was. It's kind of my measure of how overweight I was. Unfortunately when I got my tubal ligation in 2002, one of the lap ports went right in that fold, and ever since then I've had problems with it getting irritated occasionally. It's a lovely place for sweat to collect. Just dandy all around.

As I got up to the weight I started at, beyond the occasional irritation and making sure to clean the area in the shower it was no big deal. But now that the weight is coming back up, that fold is actually growing again because of the loose skin that is gradually being generated. Which means more sweat stays up inside there and it never feels completely "dry." Ew.

This weekend, I went to dry the area and the towel came away with some light red streaks. Lovely. I have now rubbed it the wrong way and the skin is weeping a bit. And where precisely is it weeping? Right where the lap port was from the tubal ligation. Just special, isn't it? This means it will take some time to heal, but at least I can be thankful that this just means that I will likely have some good medical reasons to convince my insurance to help pay for some of the reconstruction that will be necessary once this process is done and my weight is stabilized.

The Husband and I have already started a savings fund for plastics for me once I get down to goal. The breasts will be lifted and possibly have implants - after two children and bad choices as a young adult regarding the lack of a bra, the "girls" are just not perky at all. I already have bat wings that I may or may not have done. A tummy tuck will be necessary at the least, and possibly a full lower body lift if my ass turns into a full-on shar-pei. Ugh. I know the end result will never be model-perfect, but I don't care. I'm not the type of person who can pour herself into Spanx day after day even though I know I will be using them until I get the plastics done.

Is it vanity? Is it trying to make myself look more "normal" so that my husband won't be disgusted in bed? Maybe a little bit of both. The Husband obviously doesn't mind me at the size I was but I don't know what his reaction will be once my skin pools around me as I lie in bed, trying to be sexy. Heck, I don't know what *MY* reaction will be when that happens. In the end, it's more about me not skeeving out over me than anything else.

There will be choices to be made in the years to come. Do I go back and see Dr. K to get the necessary surgeries done? Some of my friends here in town that had the DS have done so and are very pleased with the outcome. Do I go to Tijuana to get a good price? A fellow DS message board member went to see Dr. Fuentes and was very happy with the results. Or do I trek half-way across the country to Iowa City to be done by arguably some of the best body re-sculpting plastic surgeons in the U.S.? Again, another DS board member had spectacular results with Drs. Aly and Cram. Only time will tell, I suppose.

Until then, it's just me and my Gold Bond powder and a sailor's mouth cursing this stupid skin that just doesn't seem grateful for the load that I released it from. It should know better, dammit! Stupid epithelium.